Happy New Year I am gonna be 42
What's a new year's resolution? I told myself that I was going to lose ten pounds by year's end and now I have 13 to go! Just in the last five years, I have started to feel really old. I don't know what happened. My grandmother turned 100 this summer and my dad turned 70. I don't know why I am complaining. I have good genes!
I had to wake my husband up at midnight in order to say happy new year. We didn't even care. No more obligatory nights out to say that I did something fun on new year's eve. I remember going bar hopping, being in NYC, staying up until 5 am, drinking my face off and getting up and doing it all over again. Youth is wasted on the young.
I am a teacher and my students no longer understand the quote, "Bueller, Bueller," or "no soup for you," or "I want my two dollars." Kids have never heard of the Breakfast Club and they think because there were no cell phones when I was a kid that I was born in the 1800s.
I get excited by the idea of buying an appliance. You know you're old when buying your own new dish washer with your own money is the highlight. I want to open a savings account to save for a new car and one for a new kitchen but then shouldn't I be saving that money for retirement? These are the things I think about.
I was a competitive swimmer my entire life and never gave a thought to what I ate. I thought I was fat then and found out that my friends thought I looked like a Playboy model. Hello? Who knew? I certainly didn't and I hated my body. Oh what I would give to look like that again. If I tried to swim now, I just know it would feel like I had a huge elephant on my back.
Tomorrow, I have to go to a comedy show with my husband and his friends. After the major snow storm today, I have to contemplate what shoewear is the best. I never wear heels anymore and flats are my favorite thing. I long for the days when could fit my calves into a sexy pair of riding boots.
I still feel like a teenager inside. I mean, is it wrong to still feel all crazy inside at the thought of C. Thomas Howell? I think I saw him on an episode of Sons of Anarchy and it sure did bring back memories of my friends and watching The Outsiders a million times. But, he didn't look the same. My new crush is Henry Cavill and I am pretty sure it is not a healthy one but I LOVE the guy.
I don't want to talk to my neighbors for fear that they will want to borrow my stuff and then never give it back. Is it wrong to pretend I am not home when someone rings the doorbell? I don't want to drive my neighbor's kid to work ever again especially when he has to be there at 11:00 and it is already 11:15.
I keep noticing moles that I intend to get checked out at the dermatologist. Why do I have hairs growing out of my chin? My great-grandmother had those and they scared me. Who is gonna pluck my gross chin hairs when I get old?
I think I am going deaf but I still blast the music in the car. When I get to work and some 80s song is playing, I sit in the car in the parking lot just to hear the end of it. I secretly enjoy and know every word to Rick Springfield. I have tons of concert ticket stubs that I keep meaning to have framed. I cannot even remember the last time I went to a concert. Prince, I think.
Too many of my friends are dying. I have known way too many friends who are gone and it is scary and sad.
The thought of going to a bar or club is not appealing in the least. I would rather go to dinner or a movie and go home. My husband and I always say that "we eat with the blue hairs" because we like to dine before the crowds and that is usually at about 4:30 or 5:00. Bedtime on a work night is 9:00.
Sleep over at a friend's house? No way. I want to be in my home in my own bed with my own sheets, my own pillow, my own bathroom and shower. I remember the days of sleeping on my friend's couch all summer at the NJ shore. No idea how I did that.
My friends are doing the Toughest Mudder and triathalons and Cross Fit. I made fun of one of them the other day for making lentil burgers. I should really be eating more healthy. I should become a vegan, eat organic, drink more water, take my vitamins every day, try to eat less processed foods, cut down on my saturated fat intake, eat less sugar, drink less alcohol. Speaking of which, I cannot drink all night long anymore. I am lucky if a few glasses of wine doesn't make me fall asleep.
Why do some of my friends cry at the thought of me never being a mom? Am I obligated by society to give life to another human being just so they can die when the next pandemic happens? If it isn't disease then it will be global warming, a civil war, WW3. Who says I am a pessimist? I like to think of myself as a realist.
I want to hire a cleaning lady but I don't want a stranger in my house. So, I just don't clean. In turn, when we want to have friends over, we have to scrub down every surface at once but that usually happens once or twice a year so it's not that big a deal.
My husband watches his DirecTV NFL package in the man cave and I stay upstairs watching General Hospital, seasons of Downton Abbey, Scandal and White Collar. I am happy to be alone so I can go on Facebook, Twitter, Olioboard, Pinterest, Wanelo, Amazon.com and whatever else floats my boat. It's quality not quantity right?
I had 20/20 vision my entire life and now I have reading glasses. I wouldn't admit that I needed them but once I was holding the pill bottle more than one foot away, I had to find an eye doctor. I like my glasses though so it's been okay.
I am turning 42 and it feels just like yesterday that I was a middle school kid. I sound like my mom now. She always said, "when you have kids you'll understand." I do not have any kids but I do understand.
Happy new year!
